The journey to baby #3!!

Since we announced Baby #3 was on the way this past July (arrival expected around New Years!!!), we have been asked so many questions regarding this pregnancy and whether it was an accident, planned or if we had to use fertility treatments again... I have answered these questions for so many people, I thought maybe it would be useful to write a blog post and share what this journey has consisted of!

When Ben and I first started talking about starting our family, we both agreed we wanted a big family 4-6 kids (I know, what a blessing right??) and that spacing them out by a few years would be ideal.  After several years of trying to conceive and suffering disappointment & heartache, we were finally blessed with our amazing twins (after a year of fertility testing/treatments, etc).  At that point we decided that should God choose to bless us with more children (without medical intervention), we would happily take them whenever he chose to send them our way. 

A couple weeks before the twins first birthday, Ben found out that he was going to be leaving in April for 6 months.  We didn't want to wait to pursue future children after his trip was over so we went ahead and scheduled an appointment to see a fertility specialist in Nashville.  I went to the first appointment alone while he was out of the country in January and was told that the earliest we could get in for treatment was the middle of April.  When he got home, we talked and prayed about it and decided that God knew what he was doing and we knew that things would align for him to still be home at the middle of April. 

Many of you know that when Ben returned home he had a series of seizures that led to us finding out he had a massive cancerous brain tumor.  Even with surgery, the doctors were not very encouraging about the future.  Ben was told he would not be allowed to take the trip in April and again we prayed about whether to move forward with the scheduled treatments.  I have been questioned several times on the fact that Ben and I chose to go ahead with the treatments despite his diagnosis, even without any follow up scans to determine whether the tumor had returned.  It boils down to the fact that we had FAITH that he was going to be fine and despite our moments of weakness, there was absolutely no way we were going to allow this to halt our plans for a bigger family!  Our God is bigger than any cancer and we both knew that we were meant to have more children together!

We started our treatment cycle at the end of March and even before our "two week wait" was up, we knew we were expecting.  I happily went into the doctor's office for the official confirmation.  Anyone who has had trouble conceiving or who has gone through fertility treatments knows that for the first few weeks it is a numbers game.  They have you come back several times to confirm that your numbers are rising appropriately and eventually allow you to see that first heartbeat on ultrasound.  My numbers rose the first two visits, but after the third visit, they dropped dramatically.  The nurses who called told me to prepare for a miscarriage, but that they would check my numbers again in a week.  Ben and I prayed unceasingly for the following week... and I truly believe it was his FAITH that caused those numbers to continue going up. After the following appointment the nurses told me that they thought the drop in numbers was due to what could have been another multiple pregnancy, but that everything seemed to look good now and they scheduled us for our first ultrasound! 

The first ultrasound showed a strong heartbeat and so did the following several.  The specialist we saw in Nashville wanted to keep me on the hormone supplements through the first trimester in order to make sure everything was off to the best start and at 12 weeks they scheduled me to see a perinatologist for some further testing because of how the pregnancy started and our previous history (preterm labor, pre-eclampsia, etc).  It was at this appointment that the specialist told me we would be having another little girl.  I was not convinced that she could possibly be accurate at 12 weeks, so when we announced we were expecting the following week, we refrained from sharing that part of our news :-).

We were also excited to share the news of this pregnancy with both of our parents in person this time around.  We traveled through Ohio on the way to spend the 4th of July in Maine with my family and told Ben's parents and then mine!  After contacting all our brothers and sisters (we have a lot you know)... we let our news seep out into the FB world!

Since then it has pretty much been "smooth sailing" as far as pregnancy goes.  There have been no complications to date & several subsequent ultrasounds have confirmed that we are indeed having a girl!  We are currently 33 weeks along and unlike last pregnancy I haven't spent the last seven weeks on bedrest!  We are looking forward to meeting this sweet baby girl in about 7 weeks!

Some other questions I have been asked but haven't answered above:
**What would you have done if it was multiples again?  We would have rejoiced!! Ben and I both prayed for a healthy pregnancy, the opportunity for a natural childbirth experience, and no need to supplement with formula this time around.  God saw fit to give us 1 child this time around; maybe we will get more next time ;-)

**Do you plan to have more children?  YES, Definitely... whether by birth or adoption, we definitely plan to have more.  We both believe that God has called us to have a houseful! 

**Would you do further fertility treatments?  Yes, if necessary.  God has provided the funds for the previous treatments and while we hope and pray that further treatments won't be necessary, we are willing to go through this process again if necessary!


God has been so FAITHFUL this year and Ben and I have been tremendously blessed by the outpouring of love, support and prayers that we have received from all of our friends and family!  Thank you so much & we look forward to introducing you to our next addition!!

Our "Real Food" Transition in Progress

I have had numerous requests over the past few months to share what Ben and I eat, and what we feed the kids on a regular basis.  Due to the overwhelming number of shirt orders I have had come in recently, I have hardly had time to feed us, much less share what I feed us with individual people, so I figured I would write a post for people who were interested!

A few months ago, Ben shared a little of what his diet/treatment consists of.  Since I do most of the grocery shopping/cooking, much of what he eats is prepared by me and the more research I do to feed him, the more our daily eating habits change!  **BELOW you will find several notes updated by Ben as well as some recipes he felt like sharing :-)!

Some of the typical guidelines we follow:
**No white sugar at all.
**No white flour at all.
**Very few processed foods (I will share what we still eat that is processed)
**Raw milk if it is consumed
**No genetically modified foods.
**Organic whenever we can find it.
**Ben: Little to no meat, which means I have found other alternatives for him when the kids and I do eat meat, which is less and less.
**Ben: Also avoids dairy (except cottage cheese which is a part of his daily protocol), while the kids and I still do milk, cheese, yogurt and some other dairy products.

As far as processed foods go, Ben and I have found several brands of chips/crackers that are mostly gluten/sugar free that we eat occasionally.  The kids eat Honest O's (organic cheerios sweetened with juice); and store bought bread made without bromine flour. 

Breakfast and lunch is a pretty simple affair around here.  Ben eats his Budwig protocol and usually some form of fruit or overnight oatmeal (a completely raw food made with oatmeal).  But wait! I hear you say, oatmeal is steamed!  Nay, nay, that is why we use steel-cut oats instead of the steamed, rolled oats that is marketed under the banner of oatmeal. The kids eat a banana (a whole one each), a piece of toast and a homemade squeeze packet of unsweetened whole milk yogurt mixed with a little bit of applesauce for sweetness. 

Ben prefers to eat raw, minimally cooked meals, and for my birthday in August, his mom bought me a Hallelujah Cookbook (called Rhonda's Culinary Creations).  So far we have eaten several recipes out of this book.  There are a number of really good recipes which use dates or honey as the sweetener.  For awhile late this summer, we made quite a bit of watermelon lemonade.  How's that recipe go?  Watermelon together with peeled lemons into the NutriBullet at top speed.  It makes a lemony watermelon smoothie that is pretty awesome.  Not to mention that it is a power food loaded with nutrients.

And how about that whole raw milk thing?  Yep, turns out that pasteurizing milk has only come about relatively recently in mankind's history.  Sure, you could worry about tuberculosis from raw cow's milk, but as long as the cow is pasture fed (ours is), and is vaccinated against tuberculosis (ours is), and milking procedures are followed with iodine dip (ours is, still again), then your risk is dramatically reduced.  Truth be told, pasteurized milk from the store is probably of greater risk than raw milk on a spectrum of other risks.  Ever wonder why degenerative diseases were unheard of in primitive cultures who relied heavily on raw dairy products?  For the answer to this question, I refer the reader to Dr. Price's classic "Nutrition and Physical Degeneration".

Lunches around here are pretty simple as well.  I typically eat salad with homemade poppy seed dressing (amazingly addicting)!  The kids eat some type of bread/cracker & hummus, cheese, cucumbers, tomatoes and grapes.  This will change a little as we enter the winter months and some of these things are harder (and more expensive) to find, but fresh fruits and vegetables will ALWAYS be available at every meal!

Dinner around here is constantly changing as we find new recipes that we enjoy.  I usually make beans and cornbread at least once a week (with beans sprouted or soaked overnight- not canned); several types of soup; salad; spaghetti squash (cooked) or with zucchini (uncooked) are a few.  We have found some great recipes for banana bread and peach muffins and other items that we enjoy as desserts recently as well.  As it has gotten cooler outside the last few weeks I have started making black bean soup, cabbage soup, and some other veggie soups that can be eaten several times without a lot of prep work ahead of time!

As far as eating out goes (when traveling or having date night), we eat at Chipotle or get a veggie plate at Cracker Barrel (foods without added sugar in them when they are prepared). 

Ben also fasts 1-2 days a week because it drops blood glucose levels and kicks your body into a ketogenic state.  This is another part of his treatment protocol that he believes has made a difference in his current health!

Hopefully that answers a lot of the questions that you all have had for us about what we are eating these days...  the added bonus to feeling great about eating these things is that Ben has lost 25lbs this year and before getting pregnant I had lost almost 20!  At 28 weeks pregnant, I have only gained back 9lbs and am still not at the weight I was when I got pregnant with the twins 2 years ago.  I do eat all the time... my body just likes what I am eating :-)

If there was anything I didn't answer please feel free to ask!  We love sharing about all the healthy changes in our household!!

Nineteen Months Old???

The twins hit the nineteen month mark, and since I never finished an 18month update, I figured I would give a little update on their most recent milestones!

They are both over 22lbs (at least based on our home scale, they are).  Which means that technically we could FINALLY turn around their car seats if we wanted to... but, we are still holding out for the 2 year mark to make that transition!  I am a stickler for the research, which shows that it is safer for a child to remain rear-facing as long as possible, even if their legs are all scrunched up... in case anyone is wondering... I DO NOT have short children!

Josh is measuring in at 31 1/2 inches (again, my own measurements with a squirmy child) and Savannah is measuring 32 inches.

Josh: We have had a few more teeth break thru in the past month and Josh now has 10 teeth in and 4 more breaking thru.  He is a regular sweetheart, always taking care of Savannah first.  If I pull out two cups of milk or snack, he always takes hers to her before coming back to get his.  He still fusses a bit when she takes toys from him, and refuses to take them back himself.  He also loves to do whatever she is doing!  He talks nonstop, although much of what he says, we still don't understand.  It is precious to watch him carrying on a conversation at top speed!  He still goes from one activity to the next quickly and seems to have never-ending energy!

Savannah: Savannah seems to have a never ending supply of teeth breaking thru, and now has 12 completely in and 4 more breaking thru.  She is stubborn and persistent and has recently mastered putting puzzles together all by herself. If she can't get the pieces to go in, she rotates the puzzle board around until the pieces will slide into place.  She can sit and look at the same book for 30 min at a time and has spent hours on end doing the same puzzles over and over again.  Savannah has several words that are distinguishable now, and uses them sparingly.

Thanks to our amazing babysitter, we have made some effort towards potty training this week... with several successful attempts for S!  Ben & I are really not in too big of a hurry, but if one child is potty trained before the next baby comes, we wouldn't complain!  :-)  We are still cloth diapering, except for when we are traveling, and I am slowly stocking up on newborn sized diapers that will hopefully last us through a few more children!  I actually enjoy the cute diapers, and do not mind in the least washing/prepping them to be ready for their next use!

We are down to one nap a day and our morning wake up time is slowly getting earlier and earlier.  The kids are up most days by 8:30 and ready for a nap by 1 or 2... After a 2-3 hour nap, we enjoy dinner and some playtime with daddy before heading to bed at 8pm.  Naps and bedtime continue to be a drama/tear-free affair and we can't thank God enough for giving us these two precious angel children!

MRI Update for May

Ben's MRI in May came back completely clear!  Praise God for his wonderful blessings.  There was no sign of any new growth and the doctors who have seen it seem shocked that everything still looks good.  He will have his next follow up in August and we are continuing to pray and believe that the news will remain the same!

An Update on Ben's Treatment Plan

Many of you have asked what, if any, treatment that Ben was pursuing at this time.  Since we have prayed and researched all of our options and decided that conventional chemo and radiation was not in the best interests of Ben or our family, we thought we would share some what Ben's treatment plan currently is (here it is in his own words!).  If anyone has questions or wants to know further specifics (why some things are included/excluded), please do not hesitate to contact us!

After much reading and research, I (Ben) have decided to move forward with the following treatment plan:

The following is taken twice daily:
1. Budwig Diet: 4 TBSP Organic Cottage Cheese to 2 TBSP Flax Oil.  I also add in a TBSP of freshly ground flax seed and half a dozen apricot seeds.  Developed by lipid scientist Dr. Joanna Budwig in the mid-twentieth century, this is an Omega-3 rich mixture which has been shown to be used by the body for cell regeneration.  It has numerous cancer reversals.  The mixture tastes weird, so frequently, fresh fruit is mixed in as well.
2. Cellect Supplement: A powder which contains everything that supplements contain in a bioavailable form.  Mix with water.  Originally developed by Dr. Eichorn who developed and then treated himself with this supplement to overcome pancreatic cancer in 1976 (still alive today).  Components not a part of the supplement are the B-vitamins, iron, and iodine.
3. Vitamin-D3.  Currently on 10000 IU.  A high dosage?  Yes, but this is extreemly non-toxic and given the low levels in previous bloodwork, this is acceptable.  Cancer patients with higher levels of D3 in blood serum usually live twice as long as those with low levels.  Note that this is for cancer patients; a class of individuals which I no longer consider myself to be part of.  Positive thinking! :)
4. Laetrile: 500mg tablets.  Laetrile, or Vitamin B17 has a long and much maligned history.  I take it in both apricot seed form as part of the Budwig Diet, but also supplements with the extract.  See the book "World Without Cancer" by Griffin for an in-depth discussion
5. Iodoral: An Iodine supplement since Ben is frequently chronically low on Iodine and it plays an important role in immune system functioning and is not included in Cellect.

Also included:
Beck Device: worn for 2-hours daily, this is a long-term immune system builder which disables microbes in the bloodstream.  A little uncomfortable to wear at first, but after awhile is quickly forgotten about.  Yes, I'm wearing it right now.
Fresh Veggie Juice: did I mention that I make fresh veggie juice every day?  I store it in half-pint jars that go to work with me (to prevent oxidation throughout the day)
Amazon Internal Tonic III: Shipped from Equador, this is an herbal tonic that works just as Amazon Black Salve works for external tumors.  One bottle is a 40 day supply.  Recommended by Mike Vrentas during a consultation.
Gerson Therapy: largely captured in the juicing addition
A 24-36 hour water fast on a weekly basis; good for metabolic stress of ANY cancer cells in general
Distilled water consumption only: flouride and chloride consumption is bad for one recovering from cancer
Exposure to natural sunlight for at least 30 min/day
Exercise/increased heartrate through activity such as walking for at least 30 min/day

Probably even more important is what I am not doing:
NO SUGAR
NO SODA
NO ASPARTAME
NO WHITE FLOUR
NO GMO FOOD

Minimal animal product consumption (These use valuable enzymes which are produced by the pancreas and aid in the consumption of the protein linings of tumors)

Followup tests are still being worked out.  For the moment they include MRIs, and blood-panels of a number of markers.

Okay, websites and books which I have found to be the most useful:

Never Fear Cancer Again: How to Prevent and Reverse Cancer (Never Be) by Raymond Francis M.Sc. and Harvey Diamond

Cancer: Step Outside the Box by Ty M. Bollinger

www.cancertutor.com  (There is a LOT here, but it is worth taking the time to sift through.  The amount of information can be overwhelming; see especially the Cellect-Budwig protocol which forms the core of my treatment)

I read somewhere that Google searching the internet for one's diagnosis is not a healthy pastime.  I can attest to that since there are quite a few memorial pages for <INSERT YOUR CANCER DIAGNOSIS HERE>.  Look at enough of these and it's a real downer in spite of all of the other success stories that you run across.  I'm sure that if you searched hard enough, even the diagnosis of a hangnail would be cause for concern and somebody's probably died from that too.  

Bottom line: you are the captain of your own ship.  Think positively and do what you know in your heart to be right. 

**(Tricia again) Thank you for your continued prayers and support for our family! 

Fifteen Month Stats on our Itty Bitty twins...

We had our fifteen month appointment last week and this is their stats:

Josh was 31.5inches tall (61% for height)
He was 19.95lbs (which is apparently 0% for weight)
and his head was 47cm which is 44% (but it is still growing adequately which is what is most important!)

Savannah was also 31.5 inches tall (79% for height)
She was 20.06lbs (10% for weight)
and her head was also 47cm (79%).

The doctor we met with recommended some things they could eat to fatten up, but didn't seem concerned about them being underweight.  Also, they are still being measured against their actual date of birth which was 6 weeks early... so I think this is probably off a little bit.


Some other fun things to note:
* A few weeks ago we made the decision to switch to cloth diapers.  I did a lot of research and picked the brains of some cloth diapering friends and went all in!  Besides a recent trip out of town and nighttime, we are completely in cloth now.  This was not a financial decision although with future children it may end up saving us some money.  This decision was made in conjunction with a lot of other changes in our household over the past few months.  In light of all we have learned, we just couldn't see putting our kids in disposables anymore.  At night and on trips, we use Free and Clear diapers (which have a nice tan color since they aren't bleached like regular disposables).  I may sound like a crazy person, but I don't mind rinsing the diapers & washing them, and I find it somewhat calming to fold them all and put them away (that might be because they are all adorably cute).  More to come as we make the transition to cloth diapers overnight!

*In light of cloth diapering, the twins finally have maxed out their 12 month clothing and are ready for 18 month stuff.  After 6 months of the same outfits, I am looking forward to the "new" wardrobe that is getting ready to move into their dresser!

*Today I bit the bullet and bought them their first pairs of brand new shoes.  I have been on the lookout for reasonably priced soft soled shoes that would be comfortable for them to walk in, and finally came across some today.  However, I am going to have to have 20 more kids wear them in order to justify to myself the ridiculous amount I had to spend on them.  :-)

*Also, in light of the fact that the kids are sleeping til 10 every day and needing to go to bed earlier then ever before, we moved back to taking two naps last week... even with 2 naps they are still sleeping 14 hours at night so we figured they might be needing a little more rest!

15 Month Update & A Brand New Schedule

It's hard to believe that the twins are 15 months old.  They fill our lives with so much happiness and joy.  We can't imagine life without them!

Over the past week we have made some adjustments to our schedule and... we are in the process of cutting back to just one nap!  EEEK!  Not sure how I will be as productive as I have been with one nap... but we shall see!

Here is a look at our daily schedule now:
9am: Kids wake up and get breakfast.  They are eating a piece of fruit (usually a banana), yogurt sweetened with apples, and a little bit of cereal or homemade muffins for breakfast.
Then we play, read books, and hang out together.
10:30am: They get some milk and cheerios while they play.
11:30am: They are getting lunch.  A typical lunch is hummus on pita bread, a piece of cheese, some fruit, and a veggie.
1:00pm: Our new nap time :-) While they sleep, I prep our dinner for the evening.
3/4:00pm: We get up and have some more milk and a snack of fruit or a veggie of some sort.
Lately we have been going outside after this and playing on their little playset (swing, slide), but we are hoping to get back into a good routine of walking in the morning and playing in the afternoon.  Our new naptime also frees us up to go pick up daddy from work when he doesn't have a ride home.
6:00pm: We eat dinner together.  The twins usually eat what we eat and then they get to play with daddy while I clean up.
7:30pm: We start getting ready for bed.  We still tag team most bath times, but both kids love to take baths.
8:00pm: We say prayers and put them down for the night!


An Update on Joshua:
Josh has been a full-time walker since January, and is often seen running around these days.  He hardly ever stops long enough to sit down, and is constantly on the go.  He is getting much friendlier around new people and doesn't mind letting new friends hold him.  At my sister's wedding last month, he was my uncle's constant companion and absolutely loved hanging out with him.  We have a hard time getting him to stay still long enough to Skype with family (unless he can reach the computer or Ipad and then we have his full attention).  He talks my ear off during the day with his gibberish and will tell me "all dun" when he is finished eating.  He is a bottomless pit when it comes to food and it seems that I can never give him enough.  We have taken to giving him his food in courses since he likes to shove in way more then can fit until he starts to choke!  He has also taken to eating his banana's like corn on the cob which I find quite funny.  He has been holding strong at 8 teeth for a couple months now, but I think he is finally getting his back teeth in!

An Update on Savannah:
Savannah started walking on her own (without any provoking) about a month ago and is a full-time walker now.  She is hardly ever seen crawling these days unless she is overtired and falls (usually because she is trying to run after her brother).  Savannah has a much harder time around strangers then she has ever had, and wants to be held in new places and with new people.  She loves to Skype and will stand staring at the computer as long as she possibly can (although for some reason she still gets a little scared when Grandpa pops his head up to say hi)!  She is a non-stop chatter box as well and knows when to raise her voice to be heard.  Since she requires much less sleep then Josh, she can often be heard shouting at him to wake up (while hanging her head over his crib side and trying to get his attention).  She is a meticulous eater and typically eats whatever is put before her at a nice even rate.  However, she can't stand to have a cup on her tray and after taking a sip will immediately hand it back to you, and if you aren't there to receive it, it winds up on floor (and is very quickly followed by her brother's).  She too has held strong at 8 teeth for awhile now, but as of this morning I think I feel three new ones popping in in the back! 

They have definitely started to notice and annoy each other more and more lately.  They like to steal each others toys and wrestle and it is a toss up on whether they will both laugh hysterically about it, or cry.  They have also started to investigate new places in the house (example: Daddy left the bathroom door open when he left for work and they conveniently noticed when mommy was doing breakfast dishes... needless to say a water table might be coming in the near future).     

They both absolutely love our Kindermusik class and we are enrolled in a Sing & Sign class next month (that daddy can attend with us) that I think is going to be great.  They love music just like their daddy and we are excited that he will be able to come with us!

They are both still wearing 12m Carters clothes (as that is what Grandma usually buys them), but Savannah is quickly outgrowing them in the length.  She appears to still be a little taller then Joshua, but we will find out for sure next week at their 15m checkup!

Another busy week ahead... more prayers requested!

This past week Benjamin and I met with his regular doctor and went over all the test results from before his surgery.  In order to determine the cause of the tumor, the doctor had ordered a plethora of tests run that would determine what in his environment, body, etc would have helped contribute to the tumor.  The test results came back with astonishing results.  According to the doc, there were no toxins or anything in Ben's system and he should be labeled "Mr. Clean".  He made some recommendations for further treatment and told us he had discussed Ben's case with another neurologist and would like to refer us to him to discuss treatment options.  We have a meeting scheduled for Wednesday morning with him. 

We also spent the week playing phone tag with the surgeon who did his brain surgery.  Apparently Ben was the topic of discussion at their tumor board on Monday and the surgeon wanted to discuss Ben's reasons for delaying further treatment.  They finally linked up on Thursday afternoon and Benjamin said they had a great (long) conversation.  The doctor shared that Ben was a great candidate for chemo/radiation treatment because of how well he had responded and come through surgery.  I think they were a little surprised for find out he was already back at work.  He also shared that the tumor Ben had was much more rare then they originally thought and that 49 out of 50 docs would have thought it was the grade 4 GBM.  He said he might only see 1 of these anaplastic oligodendrogliomas a year.  Benjamin spoke with him regarding his concerns about the treatment and his cognitive functioning and the doctor stated that should the tumor continue to grow, his cognitive functioning would be in potentially worse shape.  He said he would love to sit down with Ben and discuss this more, so... we have an appointment with him on Monday afternoon.

Right now we are planning to leave for NC on Thursday afternoon, and since I am the only driver we are going to drive as far as we can with happy children and then stop for the night continuing the rest of the way Friday.  We are waiting to hear back on whether we will be returning home on Sunday or heading to Duke or Walter Reed for a second opinion as requested by Ben's work.  Prayers for traveling safety would be greatly appreciated!

We are also continuing to pray that God would direct us to the perfect back-up babysitter.  We love our sitter and trust her implicitly, but as a college students she has a busy schedule and can't always be here to cover all the appointments we need to get to! 

BUT HERE ARE A FEW OF OUR MANY BLESSINGS::
 **We have an amazing group of people praying for us and that truly does help lighten this burden.
 **In addition, Benjamin has had a friend driving him to and from work all week which has been an incredible blessing as he goes in before the kids get up in the morning and comes home during their second nap!
**And my neighbor/friend has been a tremendous blessing and has stepped up multiple times to help with childcare so that I can take Ben to his appointments
**Also, Benjamin and I feel incredibly healthy and proud of ourselves for adopting this new healthier lifestyle.  We have enjoyed sharing with our family and friends how wonderful it is to be healthy!

More Appts and More Decisions

Wednesday, February 20th was our follow up appointment with the nuero oncologist at Vanderbilt and we were scheduled for an appointment immediately following that with radiation.  Ben and I had done a lot of research over the previous week since finding out what his diagnosis was and went into the meeting prepared to listen, but leaning towards the wait and see approach rather than taking further action right now.

Because we have made so many drastic lifestyle changes at home over the past month, Ben and I feel that he has made a good start towards beating this cancer without the need for radiation and chemo.  The side effects from radiation could be detrimental.  Since they radiate the entire area where the tumor is plus an additional 1cm area in all directions, a large portion of his brain would be subject to this radiation.  Radiation on the brain has multiple side effects, the most scary of which is the possibility of losing cognitive abilities and becoming mentally handicapped.

We brought up these concerns first with the oncologist and then with the radiologist.  Both of them responded that they didn't feel making lifestyle changes would make a difference, and why would you want to make drastic changes, wouldn't that lower the quality of the short life you have left?   They explained that standard of care was chemo, plus radiation, and then follow up MRIs every two months for the remainder of his life.  They seemed to take personal offense to the fact that Benjamin wanted to wait and see if the tumor came back before doing treatment and warned us that this was an infiltrative type of tumor that was most likely still there and that by the time more growth was to show up on the MRIs it would be more aggressive and harder to treat.  We asked his prognosis with treatment and were told the median was 2-5 years, but without treatment it was 1-2.  They said that people never turn down treatment unless it is for religious reasons.  We asked about the effect it could have on his cognitive abilities and they shied away from answering that, and only stated that yes, it could affect his functioning in those areas.  They said said that most people are concerned because radiation causes cancer, but that research shows that it doesn't cause cancer for another 20 years or so and that with the type of cancer he currently has he wouldn't be around long enough for that to be a problem. 

Most of what the shared scared me and made me second guess the decisions that we had already made, but hearing them say that they didn't expect the treatment to help enough for him to be around much longer than without treatment just made us both realize that we have to do something outside of conventional treatment.  We scheduled a follow up with his regular civilian doc at home and spoke with the military about traveling to another large treatment center for a second opinion. 

We continue to seek the Lord's Will for our decision making and in the meantime are trying to get into a healthy routine in our everyday lives.  Benjamin returns to work full-time tomorrow and we are planning to travel to NC in two weeks for my sister's wedding. 

Grade III: Anaplastic Oligodendroglioma

On Wednesday, I drove Ben down to his doctor's office in Nashville to have his 54+ staples removed.  His mom and sister watched the kids for us and we prayed that we would get some insight into what type of tumor that he had.  Our appointment was only with the nurse at the clinic, but as soon as we sat down she asked if we had heard the pathology yet.  We told her no, and she shared with us the name of the tumor that Ben had.  She said that the doctors (and herself) were shocked to find out the tumor was a Grade 3 and not a Grade 4.  She told us that this type of tumor is a little more rare then what they had originally thought Ben had, but that it was definitely more treatable.  She said she didn't know enough to tell us what she thought the treatment options would be but she guessed they would want to do radiation and chemo regardless.

We left the office feeling encouraged, and knowing that God had answered the fervent prayers of so many who have been with us during this time.  We have a meeting this coming Wednesday to determine what the doctors feel should be the next course of action; however, after much research, prayer, and discussion, right now we feel that we are going to take a wait and see approach over the next couple of months.  Benjamin feels great and is ready to get back to work (and normalcy) and we are not sure at this time if radiation as a precaution is the best move for him.  We continue to pray that God will guide us through this situation and that he will lead us down the path that he feels is best for us!

13 Months~~ OH MY!

The twins rounded the 13 month mark this past weekend and I would be remiss if I didn't share their latest milestones:

Joshua is a full-time walker now.  About a week after Ben returned from his trip, we came home to find him walking everywhere.  Occasionally he gets so excited he runs faster then he means to across the room and wipes out, but it doesn't keep him down.  He just bounces back up and keeps going.  It is so much fun to watch him shake his little bottom while he carries large toys across the room.  He fought a cold gallantly this month, and while it held on in Savannah for almost 2 weeks, he spiked a 2 hour fever and then had a runny nose for about two days before being back to his old self again.

Savannah is still crawling around the house at top speed.  She is very capable of walking, but has no desire to.  She moves all the furniture around and her latest game is to push her rocking chair up to the coffee table and climb onto it.  Tooth #7 broke through in the midst of the beginning of her long cold a few weeks ago and she took it without any complaining.  Tooth #8 seems to be getting ready to make it's appearance and we are happily waiting for it's arrival.

Both of them still have the best attitudes and are such a joy to be around.  They continue to sleep 12-13 hours at night and take 2 almost 2 hour naps during the day.  I love listening to them chatter away at each other in their cribs at night and when they wake up from naps.  They stand up and face each other, sometimes silently and then you hear laughs as they play.  There is nothing more rewarding at the end of a day then to see their precious faces.  Especially when our days have been full of appointments and trips away.  This past week I spent 48 hours away from them and missed them so much... it just became a reminder to me of how blessed I am to be able to be a stay at home mom and share all their precious moments!  :-) I  know... sappy me!  But I sure do love them! 

A few life altering weeks...

On Friday, January 25th, 2013, I found out that my husband had a massive brain tumor.  This came as quite a surprise to both of us, as a tumor of this size should have caused some noticeable symptoms as far as his behavior goes.

Last fall, Ben had several episodes of sleepwalking/talking that were out of character for him.  He would groan and shake while he was sleeping and then when he would finally wake up, he didn't remember where he was, who I was, or what happened.  By the morning, all of this was forgotten completely.  It was during this second episode that he told me he was having chest pains, and I woke the twins and took all three of them to the ER.  After three hours of waiting (which he still does not remember, to this day), they released us and told me that there was nothing wrong (despite the fact that he didn't really remember who he was there or why he was there!  We chalked it up to strange sleepwalking tendencies and put it out of our minds.

When he got home from two weeks out of the country on the 18th, the twins and I were ecstatic.  We had definitely missed having him around. When two nights later (Sunday) he had the same type of episode, I chalked it up to lack of sleep and let him sleep late Monday.  However, shortly after we put the kids to bed on Monday night, he headed up to his office and I heard him sit down at his desk while I was downstairs in the living room.  The tell tale groan a few minutes later sent me running.  I found him bleeding from biting his tongue and flinging his arms around and shaking in his chair.  His body was tight and it took me a minute to get the chair out of the way and him laying on the floor.  All this time he was biting his tongue and bleeding from the mouth.  I videoed him (as he had requested the last few times), and sent a message to his family to pray for him.  I debated taking him to the hospital, but didn't have much confidence in them actually doing anything for him.  So instead, I helped him to bed and watched him fall asleep.  I waited an hour and woke him back up.  We talked for almost 15 minutes before he could tell me who I was, he continued grasping for words and saying, "I don't understand" every time I asked him something.  I had him talk to his parents on the phone and then promise me that he would be seen by a doctor in the morning.  Then I let him go back to sleep.

I was not surprised when Tuesday morning he didn't remember this conversation.  He wouldn't watch the video of himself, but I did make him look at the blood and the mess on his office floor from his thrashing around.  He had been away from work for over two weeks at this point and said he didn't think he would be able to go to the doc anytime soon, but I gave him til lunchtime to get an appt before I started calling myself.  He went to see his battalion surgeon right after lunch.  His battalion surgeon gave me a call to get my side of the story and I explained the seizure like behaviors to him.  He warned me not to use the word seizure when describing his behavior until we knew for sure what was going on... and said he felt that there was a logical explanation for everything.  He ran some tests and put him in for bloodwork and then scheduled an MRI for the following Sunday afternoon.

The next day his mom and sister arrived at the house to help us figure out what was going on.  I was a little worried about Ben driving, but his surgeon said minimal driving would be okay for the time being so I let him head out to work.  It was the next few days when I really knew something was wrong.  He was walking around with his head in the clouds in a sort of daze, not really able to focus on anything.  The hospital called on Thursday afternoon to cancel his MRI appt and reschedule it for a week later and the crazy me came out.  I insisted that Sunday was already waiting too long, and he couldn't be seen later, that it should be sooner.  A callback a short while later scheduled us for Friday morning.

On Friday, we arrived at the hospital for his MRI and I waited for over an hour and a half for him to finish.  Then I dropped him off at work and waited for him to call for a ride home.  Not even an hour after I got home, the front door opened and in walked Ben with his battalion surgeon.  He got the results right away and brought Ben home to be with us both to discuss them.  The scan showed a 6.7cm x 4.6cm x 4.5cm mass on the left frontal lobe of his brain.  It was massive and it meant that Ben was not allowed to drive, work, jump, or anything else until we got a consult with a nuerosurgeon.  His appointment for the hospital on post was cancelled and a consult was made for Monday morning at 8am. 

He spent the weekend researching, but we both knew that the surgeon was going to tell us that the tumor needed to be removed.  Ben's mom kept the kids for us on Sunday morning so that we could go to church and see our friends children get baptized (their service was during naptime) and we spent the trip to church talking about why us?  Why was this something we were having to face?  The church service was about Life Circumstances and was completely fitting for us, and the song Blessings by Laura Story brought tears to my eyes.  It was so fitting for our situation and was just a reminder that God was in control, and was going to use this situation to His glory.

Our appt on Monday came as no surprise to us.  The doctor said that he felt the tumor was a higher grade tumor (a 3 or 4) and that it was more aggressive than he likes to see.  He told us the lines were not clear in it but that he felt it needed to be removed as soon as possible.  We discussed the surgery and the likely outcomes, and before we left had scheduled surgery for the following week.  After that came a series of appts and preop testing while at home we were working on cleaning up our eating and "living".  The day we signed all the waivers and liability forms Benjamin was asked to participate in three studies for Stage 4 cancer.  This was our first indicator that told us that was what they were expecting.

On Wednesday, Feb 6th, Benjamin went in for surgery at Vanderbilt Medical Center.  His entire family showed up the night before (mom, dad, 3 brothers, 2 sisters, and even my parents) to pray with us and be with us for the surgery.  My parents babysat for the twins the first day, while the rest of us sat at the hospital to wait and pray.  Benjamin and I had a great support group of friends from church there to be with us as well.  The surgery started around 1:00 and ended somewhere after 6pm.  The doctor came to see us in the waiting room and allowed everyone to gather around to hear about the surgery.  He said he got as much of the tumor as he could see but that like he had believed it was definitely aggressive and that there were no surprises.  He still expected a higher grade tumor.

I was able to join Benjamin as soon as he woke up.  It was only a short while before he was able to go to his room in the Neuro ICU and he was able to see his parents for a few minutes before they went back to our house to keep the twins overnight.  By the next morning Benjamin was ready to be up and out of bed and even took a walk around the hospital with the Physical and Occupational Therapists.  And knowing that he was a "math" guy they even gave him a simple math problem to do... he answered it in his head and they asked me if I had a calculator to check his work :-)  He was doing so well that they moved him out of the ICU to a regular room to stay the second night.  The doctor came to visit us in the middle of the night during a break from surgery and showed us his follow up MRI.  Again he told us he felt that it was a higher grade aggressive tumor, but that he was able to remove most of it.  The small area that was left, he felt was too close to Ben's language area of his brain to safely remove, but that it would continue to be monitored.  We were home less than 48 hours after surgery, and Ben even took a 3 mile walk around the neighborhood with his mom last night!

And  now we wait.  We go back to get his stitches out this Wednesday and we are hoping/praying that there will be an initial report on what type of tumor it is by then!  Continued prayers are appreciated as we continue to try to return to our new "normal."

12 Months/1 Year Milestones

Wednesday was the twins official first birthday!  It is hard to believe that one year ago we met these two little people for the first time.  Neither Ben or I can imagine our lives without them.  We can hardly remember what life was like before we had kids.  And we wouldn't trade it for anything!

Here are some of the highlights from the past month:

We finally made the sippy cup transition!  We are off bottles completely and couldn't be happier.  We wisely used the time that daddy was home over Christmas break to dump the bottles completely.  This was an easy transition for Savannah, but took several days for Joshua.  Our next goal is to get them to hold the cup themselves (we know this is long past due, but they still have a hard time holding the cup up to drink out of it).

They are now eating solid food for three meals a day and are starting to make the transition to whole milk.  I am still struggling to find healthy finger foods to feed them now that they want to feed themselves rather then being fed.  We get lots of fruit and veggies every day, and they continue to like EVERYTHING that they are given!  Now that they are feeding themselves, they are getting quite messy three times a day instead of just once... which means bathtime is becoming a regular occurrence.  We have transitioned them out of the baby tub and they LOVE having the space to play while we are washing them.  They are also quite skilled at turning the tub off and on, and they love standing up to turn the knobs for us (keeps us on our toes!).

Savannah continues to take steps between objects (or people) but is not doing a lot of walking in between.  She also loves being on her feet and is constantly pushing the furniture around.  In her mind everything is a push toy, and she gets very frustrated if I push something against the wall and make her work harder to pull it out! She loves to hold my hand when I am walking around or carrying Josh and gets so excited when I let her hold my finger to walk around the whole house!

Joshua spends much of the day standing now and will walk behind objects and when holding our hands.  He has started crawling with his feet flat on the floor and only a slight bend in his knees.  Since he likes to carry toys around, he has his bottom in the air and one hand helping him walk along the floor while he drags whatever he is playing with him.  It is definitely amusing to watch!
One of his favorite toys is his guitar and he is getting really good at standing and playing with it in his arms. 

We had our 1 year appointment (and a shot, boo!) this morning and here are our measurements:
Joshua: Weight- 18lbs 8 oz; which is 4%
     Height- 30 inches; which is 14% (It was very hard for them to measure both babies this time since they wouldn't stay still!)
     Head Circumference- 54% (they measured three times and it measured smaller than his last appt... so we will continue to monitor and make sure it is growing appropriately)

Savannah: Weight- 19lbs; which is 21%
     Height- 29 1/2 inches; which is 59%
     Head Circumference- 62%

Josh & Savannah's First Birthday Party!

On Saturday we celebrated the twins first birthday!  We were lucky enough to have both Ben and my families visit to share in their special day.  We did the party the weekend before Aunt Beka and cousins Tyler and Kristen went back to school so that everyone would be able to come.  My parents and Teresa's family came in the Wednesday before to spend some time with us during their Christmas vacation. We had a great time showing everyone our new house and the twins (after the initial shock of "new" people) enjoyed having lots of different people to play with.

Ben's parents and sisters arrived on Friday, and we surprised him with a small birthday celebration of his own since he will be having a birthday the day after the twins! 

We decided to have a small family party this year for a multitude of reasons... the twins don't know any different (: , daddy was going to be on the road a little while, and we don't know a ton of people in Tennessee yet!  Daddy chose a Mickey/Minnie theme for the kids party and it turns out that HIS second birthday party was a mickey party as well :-)  Here are a few pictures of the twins special day!

I made the twins outfits for the day :-) I was please with how they turned out!

My mom with my little dancer!

Ben's mom with Joshua

All four of the aunts :-)

Our amazing babysitter came to the party as well!

My parents and the twins!

Ben's parents with the twins!

Our family of four!

The house was definitely quiet after everyone left on Sunday, and Josh and Savannah had a very clingy day... but we are happily back to normal and missing all our family and friends who were here to spend last week with us!

Happy New Year!!!